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Why you should never slam on your brakes if a bird flies in front of your car

My elementary school history lessons were full of rite of passage stories. Little Johnny must kill this deer or do XYZ before he can be considered a man by the rest of his community. Even the recent movie Avatar features a rite of passage scene, where the young male members of the alien species must bond with a freaky dragon creature to be eligible for mate selection.

So what, you ask, does this have to do with braking for birds?

Every day on my morning commute, birds fly right in front of my car, frantically crossing the road. I can’t think of one reason why a bird would risk his or her life to fly in front of my vehicle (apart from having a very tiny brain, an option I choose to ignore) when he or she could easily, and safely, fly two feet higher above it.

Why do I think birds do this?

It is a birdie rite of passage. They have to fly as fast as they can across the street in front of a car, and if they live, they are accepted as grown ups birds in their tiny bird civilization. Extra points for buses, vans, and getting dangerously close to the car. Negative points if the driver taps on the brakes, making it easier for you (the bird) to cross.

This ritual has become so elaborate in my mind, that I actually refrain from braking when a bird flies in front of my car if at all possible. I would never hit one, but I don’t want them to get demerits because I’m ignorant to their traditions.

Oh, and just so we are all on the same page, this also applies to squirrels.

The things I do to liven up my long commute.

5 Comments

  1. I love how you clarify that you would never hit the bird, and your reasoning for not braking is not because you’re hoping to harm the bird(s), quite the contrary, you’re looking out for the bird’s best interest!

    I bet environmentalists will read this furious, and then have to sit back and wonder how to reply to a post that seems cruel to animals, but is in fact (in your opinion) out to make their lives better!
    Brilliant!!

  2. I never thought of it that way, but I agree. 🙂

  3. Adri Adri

    @ Mark – I wasn’t out to ruffle the feathers of animal rights activists, but you make an interesting point. I run the risk of harming the birds by operating under the rules of this imaginary game. Hopefully I never do because as you know I would be a mess!

    @ Ginger – I know it is odd, but it spices up my drive! haha.

  4. Did it ever occur to you that the bird may get the most points if it _can_ make you break? By not breaking, the bird is losing in a game of “chicken” and will be branded as such.

  5. Adri Adri

    Good point, Dave! I never thought of it that way. Then again, I was always terrible at chicken. lol.

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