Adoption update #3

I’m on a social media break, which has included my blog, but I’m popping in very quickly to share an adoption status update. You all have been so supportive, I feel like I owe you an update (and a cute photo of Arwen sleeping) after a few months of silence!

I don’t think you’ll be surprised to learn we’re in the same place we were back in December with regards to adoption, if not a tiny bit more prepared as I’ve been reading parenting books and listening to adoption podcasts. As each month passes, I can only assume we’re getting closer!

Trying to Conceive

We didn’t share this on the blog as it was happening because we wanted to navigate the process privately, but for the last 6 months of 2019, we took another stab at trying to conceive. We focused on restoring our health and then went full blast into fertility medications and all the natural supplements to get our bodies in good working order to conceive naturally. We didn’t go into this naively thinking something would magically be different this time. Our doctor actually found some new issues we were able to resolve, and she thought it would be worthwhile to try again. She has other patients *just like us* that have conceived after resolving these issues.

Was it worthwhile?

I’m not pregnant, but I still think the answer is yes. It was hard to open ourselves back up to hoping to conceive. Maybe harder still to grieve again when we reached the end of the time period we set for ourselves. But we probably would’ve always wondered if we hadn’t tried. I feel a lot of peace about stopping, a grace from God I’m sure. Though we are stopping the medications, we will always be open to life. Pursuing adoption is one way we’re living out that openness. While we were trying again, our goal was to conceive AND adopt not OR. We’ve always dreamed of having a large family. 😀

Adoptive Mom’s Night Out

I attended an Adoptive Mom’s Night Out (for those who have adopted, are adopting, or are considering adoption or foster care). I was the only person there who didn’t already have children, so it was a great opportunity to learn from the wisdom of the other women. Most of them adopted children from foster care or internationally, and it was so valuable to hear their stories as a reality check for all the reading I’ve been doing about foster care and helping children cope with trauma. None of their situations were easy, but I was reminded the struggle could be sanctifying (as is any form of parenthood). Whether or not healing happens this side of heaven, children are always worth fighting for. Though some of their stories were very tough, meeting these strong women doing hard and meaningful things somehow made it all seem more doable. 

As we wait for domestic infant adoption (I write infant but we’re open to siblings with toddlers too), we’re continuing to discern all the other paths like adoption through foster care. Our approach has been to keep all the (ethical) doors open and follow wherever the Lord leads us.

Embryo Adoption

Our physician suggested something else to us — embryo adoption — that we’ve decided not to do. In praying about it and talking with Mark, it’s clear this option is appealing simply because it gives us more control. Control over the conditions of the pregnancy, control over when to have the baby (vs. waiting to be picked), etc. While those elements are attractive, I don’t think wanting more control is a good reason to do anything. The Lord has been working on my heart for years to help me be less of a perfectionist, so grasping for control over this area of our lives when we’ve been called to be patient and trust in the Lord’s provision feels like the wrong choice.

Though we trust our doctor’s judgement wholeheartedly, we’re not 100% certain it’s ethical because the Church hasn’t officially come out on either side yet. I’ve started reading this book (What to Do with the Least of Our Brothers?: Finding Moral Solutions to the Problem of Endangered Embryos by Fr. C. Ryan McCarthy ) about it to better understand the pro-embryo adoption perspective. Though I know many frozen embryos are already available today, this seems like a way to help create a demand for frozen embryos/babies. Did you know embryos are considered property, not people, in these types of situations? It’s all so dehumanizing, but so is staying perpetually frozen in a lab for years with no hope of being born! Unlike IVF where we are certain it’s not an ethical path to grow our family, we don’t know if embryo adoption is the right thing to do. We just know it’s not right for us right now.

So we continue to learn everything we can about adoption, to pray for our future child’s biological family, and to wait. Sometimes I wonder what our Christmas card will look like in 5-10 years. (2019’s card is below.)

Will it still be the three of us? Will we have 5 kids like we dreamed when we were first married? Only the Lord knows!

Building A List of Baby Must-Haves

My awesome sister-in-law visited a few weeks ago and helped me build an Amazon list of all the items we’ll need for a new baby in the first few weeks. This way when we get a call from our agency, if the child is due very soon or already born (yes, that can happen!), we can move everything over to our cart and order it to arrive the next day. 

Building this list was exciting and surreal. Bottles! Footie pajamas! Baby shampoo! To imagine we’ll need any of these items in the future made everything seem more real. We didn’t order it yet because we don’t know the precise age of the child(ren) we will adopt, so we’ll have to adjust the list accordingly when the time comes.

We are so grateful for all of you checking in on us and most especially for your prayers. Thank you for walking along side us in our journey to grow our family.