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How to end an uncomfortable conversation about infertility: the IF business card

I try to be uplifting and positive in my posts about infertility, while still sharing the struggle and more difficult realties. Fair warning: This is neither of those things. It’s a post about the inappropriate questions strangers ask after observing our family of two. If you’re feeling sensitive today, or if you’re in a lot of pain or feeling ticked off and this will fuel the fires of your anger — sit this one out.

A Facebook friend shared this image from the Happy Facts Facebook page. (I’m not familiar with that page in general and make no claims about it’s appropriateness.)

The person who posted it was contemplating making a card like this for families with many children who get very helpful comments like, “Do you know how that happens?”

There are times I would like to have a card like this for infertility.

It’s a little snarky, and I’d probably feel terrible if I ever gave it to someone. I really believe most people mean well or are just filling the void with words without thinking first.

But there is a less charitable part of me who would love to give this to strangers who ask completely inappropriate questions about why we don’t have children. Think of the card as a service to all the infertile people they encounter after me.

So my IF friends, what would you put on a card like this for infertility? Some ideas I had are below.

  • Yes, we want to have children.
  • I know how babies are made.
  • I’m aware of my age and the biological realties of it’s impact on my fertility.
  • (For my Catholic friends) We are not using illicit means to prevent pregnancy. We will not consider illicit means to achieve pregnancy.
  • I am relaxed. 🤪

Is there something else you get asked a lot you’d like to have a card like this for?

Drop your ideas in the comments.👇🏻

2 Comments

  1. Mark Szewczyk Mark Szewczyk

    I’m not sure how I would put this on a card, but every time someone is talking about something their kid did and then turns to me and says ‘you’ll realize what its like when you have kids’, or something similar. That one hurts, like putting salt in the wound.

  2. I think I’d add:

    “really? why don’t you adopt, then?”

    Like you, I realize most of the insensitive things people say are to fill a void or some misguided notion that they are actually helpful, but after the thousandth time of hearing them, they just get so old.

    Continued prayers for you, daily.

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