(I won’t be engaging in a debate about whether it’s right or wrong to spay or neuter pets here and any comments belittling either choice will not be published.)
Arwen, my sweet golden retriever puppy, will be 7 months old in a couple weeks. Our veterinarian recommended getting her spayed (i.e. removing her reproductive organs) between 6 and 8 months old. She listed many health benefits and strongly recommended we do so.
The last few months I’ve been doing research on the pros and cons. Studies suggest getting her spayed will lead to an increased risk for some types of cancers and a decreased risk for others. Lower risks of certain types of infections, higher risks of obesity. And on and on it goes.
Ultimately we decided to do it. But friends, the thought of having this done to my little Arwen is breaking my heart.
It’s not that I’m eager to breed her or want her to have puppies. I know that comes with risks and ethical questions of it’s own. It’s that I, of all people on God’s green earth, shouldn’t be robbing Arwen of her ability to become a mother.
Clearly I’m projecting in a BIG way. I know it’s not reasonable.
But in my current state of childlessness, having her spayed feels like stealing something precious. Something I’ve spent what feels like all my life praying for and Lord only knows how many dollars trying to achieve.
I’m not sharing this to demonstrate how dysfunctional my thinking can be or for sympathy.
I’m sharing because I want you to know how much infertility permeates every aspect of an infertile couple’s lives, even those seemingly unrelated to children. I want you to know — even when you’ve grieved the experience of being pregnant and you’re over the moon about the possibility of adopting, sometimes infertility still hurts and pain shows up in unexpected ways.
So the next time your girlfriend tears up while you’re out for coffee because a barista calls out the name she always imagined for her child, give her a little grace and understanding. Sometimes what triggers heartache related to infertility is confusing and weird, even to us. 💜
Love you. I can totally see that being hard.
Thank you, Mary Beth! 💕 The feelings definitely snuck up on me vs. when I’m expecting some hard emotions like during a holiday, and can mentally prepare.